Pete “Radshot” Allison was dispatched to Hueco Tanks as a one-man advance assault team in December (actually he was sent in late October but was quarantined at LAX for over a month due a mixup between him and giant Colombian mole).  Notwithstanding his totally broken leg, his Walmart tent and the distracting attention of an amorous Javelina, Pete still crushed some NAPs, including a mucho-respecto ascent of Power of Landjager V11.

Team Hobbit (Derek Thatcher and James Morris) was dispatched next, this time to Chattanoogawoogawooga in the South East.  They arrived to the coldest January since the last coldest January; Morris later said “There were some really cold days.  And some other cold days too”.  In spite of the weather, and despite being achingly short, both climbers acquitted themselves well on the sandstone NAPs.  Derek climbed The Shield V12, reportedly also flashing V10 and climbing V11 that day.  James climbed Golden Harvest V10 and Western Gold V11 - clearly he has a thing for the bling!

The H Team moved on to Hueco Tanks at the beginning of February.  More NAPs were had, including team ascents of Dark Age V10/11, Schwerer Gustov V10, Loaded With Power V10 and Loaded Direct V11.  Thatcher also climbed Power Of Silence V10, The Scream V10 (”That’s about V2″) and Full Service V10.

The Powerband editorial team finally dispatched themselves, along with Castle Wall legends James Perry and James Knapp, to Hueco Tanks in mid-February for two weeks of “rampage”.  Traveling under the pseudonym “Big Tony” so as to avoid attracting attention, Tom Hoyle crushed spans and annihilated NAPs wherever he roamed.  Standout NAPage from the Gomezatron included Hector V9, Fern Roof V9 (”No knee bar fag beta for me”) and Dean’s Journey V9.  I have no aversion to “fag beta”, but I prefer “tricky ho’ beta” where I can get.  With whithered arms and a bung finger, THB was my savour on the trip, with THB NAP ascents of Loaded With Tricky Ho Beta V10, The Tricky Ho Scream V10, Les Fleurs de Tricky Ho V9 and other such malarkey.  All of which I climbed in my “slab climbing shoes” (to quote Dave Kopp), which just proves that big arms and down-curved toeboxes are no match for an old man with tricky ho beta. Over and out Ω

Lakes District denizens, Thomas Van Den Berg and Sam Anderson-Mangai [now there’s a good driving game – see how many times you can say those names when driving across the Rakaia River] have developed a good clutch of problems, with an average grade of V7. Access is an easy stroll from the car, although farmer permission is required, and the problems all follow obvious lines of holds (mostly from comfy sit starts). All in all, it’s a great spot for a evening session – the only downside is that there aren’t more boulders thereabouts. Then again, maybe that’s a good thing. Ω

This season I got my ‘amnesia day’ out of the way reasonably early, barely waiting until the end of December before heading out with a forecast promising a high of 18 degrees and some decent cloud cover. Of course, forecasting being what it is in this country, Castle Hill was baking in 24 degrees and bright sunlight. To make matters worse, I went to Quantum Field. To make matters doubly worse, I went with ZacAtak™ and Christina who, despite being thrilling company seemed to be under the illusion that the conditions weren’t so abominable that we should immediately hightail it to the nearest swimming hole. Not only did they climb, they had poor enough manners to climb well.

ZacAtak™ bagged two V8s, the sublime Pythagoras and the ridiculous Trojan, not to mention a repeat of Anthrax to show Christina the beta. The impetuousness of youth! Christina’s manners were slightly better, despite hiking the bottom of Anthrax she jumped off without the send mumbling some kind of excuse, but we all knew she just didn’t want to make me look bad. Next time she is out she’ll be sure to bag the FFA (fourth female ascent) of this 100 ft problem. When wee moved into the shade she did make the FFFAWBP (first free female ascent with blue pants) of my POJO problem (work it out for yourself, hint: it’s by Fidel Castro). ZacAtak™ made the FFFFADA (First Free Female-Free and Drealocked Ascent) of this problem. He then tried to figure out how to crack climb but quickly gave it up as an anachronistic waste of time.

Momentous happenings were then afoot, as the three of us then made the FTPRAWDABP (first three person repeat ascent with dreadlocks and blue pants) of the Derek Thatcher/Stefan Hadfield/Kim Cousins masterpiece Threesome. This problem requires three people to climb it and is a stern test of group dynamics. The recipe for success demands a tall person, a light person and a strong person of indeterminate length. Three three of us fit the bill perfectly (can you guess who was who?). We tested the possibility of success by my hanging off ZacAtak™’s foot for a little bit while he dangled from some holds. Then we got stuck in. After a misfire where Christina tried to sit on ZacAtak™’s head while he was hanging from the bottom hueco and we all fell over laughing, victory was soon ours. The beta is simple: tall person boosts strong person to bottom hueco and then light person is boosted/climbs up the dangling strong person through other huecos and to top, strong person then climbs up to stand in bottom hueco with one foot dangling as low as possible while holding top of boulder, light person lies on top of boulder and holds on to wrists of strong person to give extra resistance to the massive weight of tall person, this is required because tall person then jumps to catch dangling foot of strong person and then campuses to bottom hueco, strong person scrambles out of the way and while tall person flails around on huecos strong person and light person haul tall person to the top of the boulder much like landing a whale, fists are then tagged all around on top of the boulder.

I felt privileged to be part of this ascent, not just because it was a rare opportunity but also because I got to touch ZacAtak™’s foot, and my doctor says I didn’t even catch anything (it’s unclear if the participants in the first ascent party all remained disease-free post-ascent)!Ω

After “50 starts” the Vos also grabbed the second ascent of Noir Désir V9. He thought it was probably V9. Ω