Ω Ever made the first ascent of a V9? Ever written a story about it afterwards, talking about yourself in the third person? Me neither. What about writing a comment about yourself on Powerband, using the third person to pretend that it’s not you, and then accidentally using ‘I’ halfway through? Didn’t think so.
Anyway, today John Palmer climbed a new V9 at the Rak. Located on the large roof at the Back Blocks (about 5-10 mins along the coast from the Bronx), this steep burly climb has been a project since 2005. Although that statement is true, it is also totally misleading because nobody has tried it since 2005 (when John, David Kopp and Chris Sanderson first spied and cleaned the line). The problem involves a crux opening throw from two low underclings to a reasonably friendly sloper. After that, a good sequence and good body tension will net you quality tick. Or if you want extra for experts, you can climb left from the third move - which adds 6 or 7 horizontal, gymnastic moves that are quite tricky but probably not quite tricky enought to add that magic ‘double digit’. I actually climbed that line too today, but Zac Keegan (who just happened to be eating lunch nearby) called a ‘dab’ so the ascent could not be claimed. Next time.
Early, John and Zac added half a dozen new problems to some other boulders in the Back Blocks area. The hardest of these, Scratch V6, was total shit. The others were better. Except one, which wasn’t it. Confused? I am. Sparkles, help.
Zac also repeated Undertoe (or is it Undertow?), which he thought might be more like V6 than V5. Kristen Foley also repeated Undertoe, but that was on Thursday.
The moral in all of this is: if you pad what is essentially a one sentence news report by taking the piss out of your mates and using lots of bad in-jokes, you can produce enough text to make it seem like things are really happening in Wellington bouldering Ω
Ω A while back, Big Bobby Keegan pulled a large jug off Mr Olympia, a soft-serve ‘enduro’ V10 of mine in the Bronx Cave. I tried to stick it back on, but the caulilower I dealt with at Mitre 10 inadvertently sold me cottage cheese. It didn’t stick very well and Bobby pulled it off again.
There was a silver lining in all of that - the missing block revealed a sloping rail, and with a bit of cunning, Bobby figured out a new sequence using the rail and some unlikely foot faggotry. The new Mr Olympia was on, and it was going to be slightly harder than the old version.
Bobby kindly shared his sneaky beta with me. It took a couple of sessions before I ‘understood’ what he was getting at but soon we were both gunning for the first re-ascent (wouldn’t that be something to write home about!). I was looking better on the latter part of the problem, but Bobby had the started sewn up. We both got close last weekend - it was simply a matter of time (usually I don’t have to worry about such things (ie. time) but my jedi mind trick doesn’t seem to penetrate through Bobby’s impressive mane of ginger hair).
Bobby declared that he’d be heading out on Tuesday to claim his prize - I promptly did a rain dance and he got 120mm of the stuff before lunchtime. Come Thursday (today) the shoe was on the other foot, only Bobby’s rain dance didn’t work and I walked out to the Bronx this morning under a perfect sky. After a quick warm up, I fumbled around on the start of the problem for a bit, just to make things interesting, then dispatched in reasonable style (there was a bit of grunting and more-than-usual slapping at the end). As I pulled onto the exit slab, I thought of Bobby. I thought: “Christ, by the time he’s my age, I’ll be in a home”. Then I laughed. Not sure why. Ω
Ω Notwithstanding his ridiculous name, Chesley is a man who knows how to perform under pressure. So, when a flock of deranged birds resolved to purée themselves inside the engines of Flight 1549, Chesley didn’t flinch. Instead, he calmly steered the powerless 42,400kg Airbus that he was piloting into the Hudson River; and he was home in time for tea.
David Kopp doesn’t have a ridiculous name per se. And notwithstanding weeks of running for his life around his neighbourhood, he still tips the scales at around 42,400kgs. But he knows how to perform under pressure (Lucy?) and he’s never ever late for tea (unless it’s his sister’s birthday).
What does that have to do with bouldering? Nothing, except that after a year or so in semi-retirement, the Koppulator announced his comeback to the world at Turakirae Head on Saturday with an against-the-odds-under-huge-pressure-to-do-it-before-JP-does-it first ascent of a V6 traverse on the Treestyle boulder. Three minor issues slightly detracted from that momentous occasion: (a) he dabbed (he called a ‘foot scrape’, I didn’t see it) and was then too boxed to repeat the problem sans dab; (b) although the rest of world wanted to be there, it/they was/were busy so it was left to me and Bob to cheerlead; and (c) he broke my nose. Seriously. With his elbow. It went crack and it really hurts today. Anyway, Dave’s going to call the problem The Chesley B. Sullenberger III Traverse.
In other news, Bob continues to flirt with the first re-ascent of Mr Olympia V10. Unfortunately, he hasn’t been to the Chesley B. Sullenberger III school of climbing something tricky really quickly before that old c#$* climbs it. Don’t worry Bobby, when you finally do it, you can use this quote from Chesley: “One way of looking at this might be that for 42 years, I’ve been making small, regular deposits in this bank of experience: education and training. And on [insert date] the balance was sufficient so that I could make a very large withdrawal.” Ω
Ω Apparently (so I discovered on the weekend), the Chewbacca Defence is the dying art of obfuscation, the ability to say lots about nothing at all, the practice of running interference when you have nothing to report or something to hide. And, on reflection, it was (more or less) the editorial policy of 41174.org.nz, at least for the last year or so of its life, because we (Kopp and I) had no real news to report.
Well, now I do have something to report. On Sunday I climbed an “all world” boulder problem at Turakirae Head. As far as I know, it was a first ascent. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the best boulder problem at Turakirae Head, and in Wellington it is rivalled only by Seaward Arete V0 and Big Black V5 for quality and grandeur. As far as you’re concerned, it’s on the Rubicon Wall, it’s somewhere between 5-7 metres high, it starts with a deep lock to a pocket, it then opens up with a series of big moves between opposing slopers as you climb a gently overhanging shield of grewacke, it culminates with a wild slap for the sloping lip off a small left hand sidepull and a right hand undercling, it’s called Seamonsters and it’s probably about V7.
Check back next year. I’m bound to have unearthed another decent “pebble” in Wellington by then. In the meantime, keep “wrestling” Ω
Ω As climbing superstar Zac Orme swept into Wellington, the local journeymen turned out in droves to see what the little fella had to offer. Actually, I was the only journeyman there - Kopp was in bed. In any event, it rained and everything was wet.
Still, while killing time in the Bronx Cave waiting for the rain to ease, he managed to link through the *new* start to Mr Olympia V10 (the old start having been demolished by The Other Zac (aka Bob)) and would probably have claimed the first reascent of this horizontal test piece if it hadn’t been for the…er…rain and water and wetness and all the H2O everywhere. So he left empty handed, which suited The Other Zac nicely, because he too did all the moves on the *new* start and now looks set to claim his first double digit tick. Watch this space. Ω
Ω Re-branded, updated Bronx (Turakirae Head) guide available now in the Guides section. Ω
Ω What better way to kick off the 3rd generation Powerband bouldering portal than to take you back to where it all began……Wellington! As best as I can recall, my very first post on the original Powerband website was reporting great deeds of strength and endurance at Baring Head, then the crucible of hard bouldering in New Zealand.
Times have changed.
Nobody goes to Baring Head anymore (except me and Richie Rich). And the crucible of hard bouldering in New Zealand is now Castle Hill basin. Still, new and exciting stuff continues to happen (if rather infrequently) in the Wellington bouldering scene. Certainly the New Zealand bouldering scenes is as strong (if not stronger) than ever.
After a partially successful experiment with the ‘coordinate’ blogs (41174 and 43171), it’s time to reignite my dreams for world (climbing website) domination. This time I will be more-than-ably assisted by Richie Rich (Minister of Information), Gomez (editor at large), the Koppulator (large editor) and hopefully you. Please send us your news, images and videos. We wont bite (well, we wont puncture the skin).
Anyway, back to the real point of this post,which is my AWESOME new problem at Turakirae Head. It’s big and bold, with long pulls between good holds. It’s everything you could want in a modern boulder problem at the grade. It’s the next generation. On reflection, I probably should have called it Powerband! Ω
Ω Ever made the first ascent of a V9? Ever written a story about it afterwards, talking about yourself in the third person? Me neither. What about writing a comment about yourself on Powerband, using the third person to pretend that it’s not you, and then accidentally using ‘I’ halfway through? Didn’t think so.
