Ω Tired of the same old virtual climbing experience? Sick of logging in to find that everyone else’s lives are as dull as yours? Been banned from your local climbing forum for reading somebody their pedigree?
Well, here’s Palmersutra’s 5 top tips to improving your ‘climbing’ internet experience:
1. Don’t bother visiting any websites other than Powerband, and perhaps Flickr. In particular, stay away from climbing fora; they will only lure you into writing something that you regret.
2. If you must post on climbing fora, make sure you suck up to the forum hosts/moderators as much as possible. Research what climbs they’ve done (or at least would like to have done) and ask them lots of really silly questions about those climbs. Agree with everything they say, and make sure you remind them (and the rest of the climbing world) what a great job they’re doing, at least once a day.
3. When creating an account, use this picture of Justin Bieber as your avatar. Chicks love it when you do that. Also, make sure you use an obscure pseudonym so that nobody knows who you really are. Mine is “JP”. Nobody has a clue who I am.
4. Resist the urge to respond to endless posts from people who are completely without initiative asking: “Is there any climbing in New Zealand?” or “Where is Castle Hill?” or “Can I buy food in New Zealand?”. If you really want to help, suggest they visit Australia instead - their boulders don’t polish as quickly as ours.
5. Last but not least, remember to scramble your IP address - you never know who is watching. Eh Derek? Ω
You may have to explain number 5 to me?
I’m pretty sure you told me once that you could mask or scramble your IP address, no doubt with geeky software or system tool?
until all the IP addresses run out that is! Then were will you go to post things JP?? Where will you go!! Actually…where will i go…
(jedi mind trick hand wave) you will overlook my bad spelling and find me a hyperdrive…